Diff'rent Stroke, Diff'rent Folks I Guess

by Ryan Krause

bacteria, bitterness, bronze, coincidence, company, tongue

 

A bronze medal was not what Alice thought she'd get Mr. Graham. (Sniff) I don' know if she thought she'd do better or worst. who knows? knowing her personally? (sniff) I kinda got an idea for myself. I mean I bet you have too. 'snot like I'm gonna lose sleep over it, but you know (sniff) I like having all the answers -- wait. You didn't even know she was competing --

Uhhh Hulllloo! th 2nd Annual Jello Sculpting Competition! -- And you call yourself her father?-- Sorry. Sorry that was rude. I'm just. Suppriiised she didn't tellll you. It meant so much ta herrr. You know she had to take off work for like 2 months just to prepare. Company she worked for was like "uh uh, no way. You can't have off" And I was like "whaaaat?" So I told her if worst comes to worst, she could crash on my couch. 'Swhat good friends do. I don' know. Prolly read it in like a manners magazine somewhere. Aw, well. (Sniff) You look a lot different than what I had in my head. Alice made it sound like you changed a whole lot. I thought you'd be more scarybutYEAH, (sniff) this competition is like a real big deal Mr. Graham. I'm supprise you didn'knowww. Not a whole lotta people make it in. And expecially not people her age. 'S all hoity-toity junk. Ole people. Prolly all politics an stuff. Alice doesn't have a whole lotta experience using jello knives anyway, but she definally has good discipline. She's real good at sculpting you should see her stuff. She's a artis'. Practices like every single day. That parts boring ta me though. Dif'rent strokes dif'rent folks I guess. You sh' be proud. I mean its your daughter. It's her passion 'n stuff. 'm sure you a leas knew that. Uhhuh. Just 'tween you and me, the reason I'm so open with you (sniff) is that... that Alice... hmmmph. -- Alice has a lotta bitterness 'bout you going ta jail. I mean if I was someone's Dad I would probly wanna know -- you're welcome. I'm sure you're pretty disappointed in yourself anyways. dad-stuff. drama. jail. I get it. But really, she is kinda mad. Like really kinda mad. But like, you gotta admit it's kind've a weird reason you even got sent ta jail if y'ask me. Weird.- Sorry. Hey, can I ask you a question? What made you cut all those cats' tongues out for in the first place? Like. You know that's weird right? Like real weird. I got a dog and a cat. But you're prolly not allowed ta come over ta my house anymore cause like I think my parents are 'fraid of you. Yeah. Um. (Sniff) They called you "cat psycho" last night at dinner. And I think my Dad drew a picture of you getting hanged in public. Like witches useta do or something. But. Um that coulda been somebody else. Maybe it was Mr. Garrells. My Dad kinda's mad at him too. He still has my Dad's lawn mower since summer. But I doubt it's coincidence that he drew a pit of tongueless cats pawing at the hanging guy's dangling feet. That kinda made me think it was you. He dreeew. Yeah. I don't think my Dad likes you very much anymore Mr. Graham. But I wouldn't take it personal, cuz sometimes my Dad doesn't really like me a whole lot neither? But I guess he never really drew many pictures of me getting hanged in public. And cats. So I guess that makes me kinda lucky. Hmm. Do you feel sorry for it? I would if I was you. Not that I blame you. People got their kinks I get it. Did you ever think about all the nasty bacteria that was prolly in all those jars the police collected when they arrested you? And the poor guy who had to analyze all that stuff? Taking it all apart and putting it in other jars. Ewww. Hope he wore gloves. ' Feel bad fer 'im I wouldn't be surprised if he quit his job after that. Aw man. I wonder what kinda story that guy tole his family bout you when he got home that night. What a day it had ta be for that guy I bet. But aren't you so proud of Alice though??