phonetic, adsorbable, quantum, bronze, delicatessen, duke
Charles stared at the bronze bust before him. He was not impressed. This was, after all, supposed to be the spitting image of his dear father, Duke Sidney of Charleston. It looked more like his Aunt, Lady Edna, who he confined to the kitchen. With a flick of his hand, the servants knew to take it away. It would be left in the basement with all the other botched artwork sent as gifts to his royal family. Charles let out a long sigh and rested his chin against his gloved hand.
Charles was now the Duke of Charleston, and he loathed the alliteration of it all, particularly because he struggled with phonetics as a child. His speech teacher, Gerald, remained a dear friend to him to this day, even after his retirement. Charles often had his personal chauffeur drive him to the delicatessen twenty miles down the road, just so he could get away and see Gerald in his new element. Gerald always had a thing for sandwiches.
One day, Charles entered Gerald’s deli and noticed a strange smell. Gerald was known to import all kinds of cheeses from all over Europe, but this odor was different. In fact, the driver had to wait outside after securing his weekly pickle from the barrel, as he couldn’t handle the stench. Charles looked around and didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. He rang the bell on the counter, and Gerald came strolling out, wearing a lab coat and a pair of goggles pushed up over his thinning, silver hair. Gerald greeted Charles with delight and asked what Charles wanted to order. Before Charles could ask, Gerald cleared the air, so to speak.
“I bet you’re wondering what that smell is…” Gerald acknowledged. “It’s just a little experiment I’ve been trying out. Come see!”
Gerald led Charles behind the counter into the refrigerated storage area. Charles had to hold his nose as the smell increased in pungency. There was an extremely large glass case, with foreign-looking substances in it, as well as dozens of measuring cups, beakers, and… slices of bread.
“I am working on a whole new invention for the classic sandwich!” Gerald exclaimed. “By taking spoiled milk, which is essentially what cheese is, and re-processing it as an adsorbable entity, I then combine it with this hunk of ham, which I had leftover from Easter supper, to make the ultimate ham-and-cheese sandwich!”
Charles stared at his old friend in horror. His father, Duke Sidney, loved ham-and-cheese sandwiches, but he knew Daddy would be rolling in his grave if he heard about this. Charles smiled and patted Gerald on the back, not wanting to dash his spirits.
“Do you want to try it?” Gerald asked.
Again, not wanting to disappoint his friend, Charles obliged. He took the smallest quantum of sandwich possible and slowly placed it in his mouth, while continuing to pinch his nostrils with the other hand. As he carefully chewed, he saw Gerald with an eager look in his eye, waiting for his former student’s consensus.
“Well?!” Gerald urged. “What do you think?”
Charles swallowed, and hesitated before he spoke: “By Jove, you’ve done it, old man! This is the most delicious sandwich I’ve ever tasted!”
Gerald beamed, and shared more of the ham-and-cheese with Charles. They both knew they would have to increase their frequency of bathing, invest in some cologne, and forget about ever getting married, but at least they would always have something tasty to eat.
Charles stared at the bronze bust before him. He was not impressed. This was, after all, supposed to be the spitting image of his dear father, Duke Sidney of Charleston. It looked more like his Aunt, Lady Edna, who he confined to the kitchen. With a flick of his hand, the servants knew to take it away. It would be left in the basement with all the other botched artwork sent as gifts to his royal family. Charles let out a long sigh and rested his chin against his gloved hand.
Charles was now the Duke of Charleston, and he loathed the alliteration of it all, particularly because he struggled with phonetics as a child. His speech teacher, Gerald, remained a dear friend to him to this day, even after his retirement. Charles often had his personal chauffeur drive him to the delicatessen twenty miles down the road, just so he could get away and see Gerald in his new element. Gerald always had a thing for sandwiches.
One day, Charles entered Gerald’s deli and noticed a strange smell. Gerald was known to import all kinds of cheeses from all over Europe, but this odor was different. In fact, the driver had to wait outside after securing his weekly pickle from the barrel, as he couldn’t handle the stench. Charles looked around and didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. He rang the bell on the counter, and Gerald came strolling out, wearing a lab coat and a pair of goggles pushed up over his thinning, silver hair. Gerald greeted Charles with delight and asked what Charles wanted to order. Before Charles could ask, Gerald cleared the air, so to speak.
“I bet you’re wondering what that smell is…” Gerald acknowledged. “It’s just a little experiment I’ve been trying out. Come see!”
Gerald led Charles behind the counter into the refrigerated storage area. Charles had to hold his nose as the smell increased in pungency. There was an extremely large glass case, with foreign-looking substances in it, as well as dozens of measuring cups, beakers, and… slices of bread.
“I am working on a whole new invention for the classic sandwich!” Gerald exclaimed. “By taking spoiled milk, which is essentially what cheese is, and re-processing it as an adsorbable entity, I then combine it with this hunk of ham, which I had leftover from Easter supper, to make the ultimate ham-and-cheese sandwich!”
Charles stared at his old friend in horror. His father, Duke Sidney, loved ham-and-cheese sandwiches, but he knew Daddy would be rolling in his grave if he heard about this. Charles smiled and patted Gerald on the back, not wanting to dash his spirits.
“Do you want to try it?” Gerald asked.
Again, not wanting to disappoint his friend, Charles obliged. He took the smallest quantum of sandwich possible and slowly placed it in his mouth, while continuing to pinch his nostrils with the other hand. As he carefully chewed, he saw Gerald with an eager look in his eye, waiting for his former student’s consensus.
“Well?!” Gerald urged. “What do you think?”
Charles swallowed, and hesitated before he spoke: “By Jove, you’ve done it, old man! This is the most delicious sandwich I’ve ever tasted!”
Gerald beamed, and shared more of the ham-and-cheese with Charles. They both knew they would have to increase their frequency of bathing, invest in some cologne, and forget about ever getting married, but at least they would always have something tasty to eat.
No comments:
Post a Comment