Breathe In, Breathe Out

by Jesi Mullins

joystick, jump, fracture, correlation, discipline, live

In my dreams I am weightless, free.

One step to the edge. A gaze out beyond to void of my intangible other self, my other world.

Breathe in, breathe out. Jump.

I have before considered the correlation between what I see with my eyes and what I experience in my dreams. So far all I have been able to come up with is that my mundane, earthly being is smothered by the world around and, in response, my dream self effectively swallows it whole. And yet, with the weight and consequence of the entirety of creation within me, I am lighter than ever. Magnificent.

I have been told, often, that I could harness my dreams, with proper discipline and control. Encouraged. For the life of me I cannot understand why. Yes, perhaps there are answers within the scope of one’s dreams - intuitive notions we feel on the surface become answers once the dreamer learns their own “language.” However, I cannot shake the feeling that our dreams are perhaps the final frontier of true mystery in our ever informed world.

What is left for us to truly wonder, to marvel at? Instead musing over a question and why you asked it, you can get answers immediately. Just Google it. Where is the conversation, the journey of sitting in Not Knowing?

Perhaps I am too old a soul for my own good. I look at the people around me and in their eyes what I see is shallow and fractured. The practice of wondering is endangered, near extinct I hazard to say. Everything is within my grasp, which should thrill me and somehow I find myself empty and uninspired.

Why must I be the expert of yet one more thing?

I believe I will Know enough in my life. I have the tools to know far more than I could possibly ever use. Must I also weigh down my dreams, my one true escape, with a need for control; negotiating through them with the precision of a pilot angling their joystick?

Each day I live a routine and I must admit, it is a good and fulfilling one. I am loved, I am well, I am filled with a satisfying content.

When I dream I live impossibly. I have no knowledge of what is to come. Who I may be. What I am capable of. It is not the result but the unpredictable journey that matters.

I stand on a precipice and as the void beckons, I ask a question.

Breathe in, breathe out. Jump.