Bro Breakfast

By: Katie Rose Krueger

fanatical, financial, frightening, glittery, mystery, sugar

Two late-twenty-something roommates sit at the kitchen table. Bleary-eyed, bed-headed, still in their jammies. A box of Apple Jacks divides them.

STEVE: [crunch, crunch, crunch…]

ROBBY: [looks up from his phone. annoyed.] Dude.

STEVE: [still crunching] What?

ROBBY: Your cereal.

STEVE: What about it? [slurps the milk out of the bowl. you know you still do it...]

ROBBY grabs the box.

ROBBY: Sugar: 12 grams per serving. “Crunchy-Ass Sugar Jacks” -- That’s what they should call these. It’s basically like eating straight up sugar cubes.

STEVE: They’re good.

ROBBY: They’re green and red glittery Cheerios.

STEVE: Shut up. Don’t eat ‘em if you don’t want to. I like ‘em.

ROBBY: Fine. [goes back to his phone. sends a tweet about his roommate’s annoying breakfast habits
grins.]

STEVE: What’s so amusing?

ROBBY: Nothin’, man. Just…something on the old world wide web.

STEVE: Right… Probably another cat video.

ROBBY: Nope, just another video of your mom.

STEVE: Assface.

ROBBY: Be sure to wash your dishes this time.

STEVE: [defiantly drops his bowl in the sink and then opens the fridge.] Dude.

ROBBY: ‘Sup?

STEVE: [pulls a petrified Tupperware from the back of the fridge.] What the hell is this?

ROBBY: I don’t know. It’s a mystery.

STEVE: Quit with your fanatical quoting of Shakespeare in Love. You’re a dude. And I only knew it was from that movie because you say it all. the. time.

ROBBY: That’s an awesome film, Dude! I watch that with Jessica, and I know I’m gonna get some. Don’t knock it till ya watch it.

STEVE: Ha! Chelsea and I can watch Braveheart and she’s ready to go.

ROBBY: [stares… makes a sort of squeak/sigh/grunt sound. envious?]

STEVE: [back to the Tupperware.] Anyway, this is frightening. I’m tossing it.

ROBBY: That’s cool. I think it was from that Fourth of July cookout.

STEVE: We definitely need to reexamine our financial situation if we are keeping food from five months ago.

ROBBY: “Our” situation? You make it sound like we’re a couple!

STEVE: Well…er… you know what I mean... [beat.] Um, I’m gonna jump in the shower. [exits to the
bathroom.]

ROBBY: K.

ROBBY picks up the box of Apple Jacks. looks in the direction where Steve exited. smiles.

End of scene.