excessive, ladybug, apple, blonde, parasite, egocentric
Eve was blonde. That's not why she did it, exactly, but she was. Her hair fell in the sort of gently curling locks that I have since learned human men love. Go figure.
I am a snake, what do I know of these things?
Eve was blonde. Like most blondes, she was seen as beautiful but unintelligent. Men wanted to have her and take care of her. Men wanted to think for her. Well, a certain kind of man. And Adam, by default, was that kind of man. What else could he have been?
Every Eve knows an Adam or two. If she's lucky she'll steer clear of them. But my Eve, the Eve, didn't have much of a choice. There was only one man around, unless you count God, which I'm not at all sure you can.
Is God a man? He sounds like one, but what do I know. I'm a snake. I don't pay much attention to such things.
Humans didn't interest me much back then, just one more addition to a garden already overflowing with life. I minded my own business. We all did. Adam appeared one day and we barely noticed. It was the creation, things were appearing out of nowhere all the time. Then Eve was made and we barely blinked.
Everything came in twos. God had a thing for sex. That's why he made so many rules about it.
Eve was blonde. Maybe that's why Adam treated her like that, like he owned her. Maybe its because she was created from his rib? "Go get some berries, Eve," he would say, "No, not those ones. What's wrong with you? You wouldn't last a day without me."
"What should we name this creature? A ladybug?? That's a terrible name! Never mind, I'll do the naming myself."
"Why did you tie your hair back like that? I don't care if it gets in your eyes, I like it better the other way."
"Ha ha, your crotch is so weird, Eve. You are missing this cool dangly thing."
"Don't look me like that. I am the master of the garden, God even said so. Now pick up around here, it's a mess."
So egocentric. So many rules. "Don't eat the fruit of that tree," God said. He never said that to any of the rest of us. We ate from that tree all the time (those of us who like apples, which I don't - I'm a snake). I started to think God was just messing with these two new things. With Eve, anyway. I tried to mind my business, I really did. But it bothered me. And I don't let things bother me. Not usually.
"Hey," I told her. I never spoke to anybody.
"Hey," she said. She was gathering leaves for Adam to sleep on. He didn't like the hard, cold earth.
"What's your deal?" I asked. "Why do you hang with that Adam guy?
"I'm his helpmeet," she said, like it explained everything.
"Right." I stuck out my tongue for a bit. It helps me think. "Seems more like you're his slave."
"You are just a snake," she said, "What do you know?"
"Fair enough." My feelings would have been hurt, but I'd heard it all before. Nobody loves a snake. Maybe that's why I never felt like I owed God any favors.
She walked away and I thought that was the last of that, but then I started seeing her everywhere I went, like she was intentionally trying to put herself in my path. I tried to ignore her. Then I saw the bruises.
"Adam wanted to prove he was stronger," she said when I asked.
"What an asshole," I said.
"Don't talk about him like that!"
"Listen, Eve. This is a big garden. It's safe, there's lots of food. You don't need this guy. You've got skills. You would be just fine on your own."
She bit her lower lip and stared into my eyes. "I couldn't. I wouldn't last a day without him."
"Right. Let's find out how long he'd last without you to gather his food for him."
"But I'd be lonely."
I hesitated. Don't get involved, I thought. It's none of your business.
"I would keep your company."
Her eyebrows raised. "You? But... you're just a snake." It was what I expected to hear, but her heart wasn't in it. I could hear that right away. She was thinking about it.
She thought about it a lot after that. So did I. We would meet up now and then and talk, and she always brought it up.
"If we left," she would say, in a hypothetical tone, "Where would we go?"
"Anywhere we wanted," I said. "There's lots to see. Maybe we could even see whats outside the garden."
"Outside? But its perfect in here."
"I know. Isn't it boring?"
She was quiet for a long time. "Yes."
At last I couldn't take it anymore. You can only pretend to mind your own business for so long. Once you are involved, you are involved. I had made my mistake the moment I first spoke to her. Now there was no turning back.
"Look, let's do it. Let's go. Today."
She shook her head. "I want to but..."
"Hey, you are braver than you know, Eve. You just need to prove it to yourself. You need to do something wild... you need to break one of the rules."
"What?"
"Yeah. Break a rule. Be your own person. Don't let them control you."
"But which rule?"
"I don't know! How about..." I looked around, and then I saw it. That tree. The random tree that "thou shalt not eat thereof." Perfect.
"Eat that fruit."
"But that's the fruit we are forbidden to eat!"
"Yes, Eve. That's exactly the point. Don't play dumb, I know Adam likes it but you are better than that. You know exactly what I'm talking about."
Her face grew solemn. "There's no going back after this," she said. "You promise when I leave you'll go with me?"
Snakes don't get choked up with emotion, as a rule, but I got close right then. "Yes. I'll be by your side forever, if you'll have me."
She ate the fruit. I would have wept, if I had tear ducts. It was the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen, the crunch, the juice dripping down the corners of her mouth, the fierce defiance blazing in her eyes. She'd already been created, but now she was alive. She finished the apple and laughed. I hissed. We danced around the tree. She took a few apples to go, and then we left.
And it was all perfect, more perfect than anything in that perfect world, until we reached the edge of the garden. The world outside looked bleak and terrible. Pain and suffering and death lurked out there. I eyed Eve nervously. She'd gone pale.
"Come on," I said, "We can handle this."
"I... I can't," she said. "I should get back to Adam."
I coiled up, agitated.
"Look, this was a lovely fantasy," she said, "But I can't just run off. I have to go back. I... I want to."
"No, you don't. That's him talking, not you."
"Shut up," she said.
"You can't go back now, you already ate the apple."
"I... I will get him to eat it too. I think I can."
"Eve," I said, "Don't do this. You could be so much more than this."
"You don't know anything."
"I love you."
"You're just a snake."
And she left. I heard about all the rest. "The serpent beguiled me," she said, "and I did eat." God cursed me for that, but no curse could make me any more miserable than I already was.
Eve was blonde. She was smart, and fierce, and capable. She could have made the whole earth a garden of paradise. She deserved better.
But what do I know? I'm just a snake.
Eve was blonde. That's not why she did it, exactly, but she was. Her hair fell in the sort of gently curling locks that I have since learned human men love. Go figure.
I am a snake, what do I know of these things?
Eve was blonde. Like most blondes, she was seen as beautiful but unintelligent. Men wanted to have her and take care of her. Men wanted to think for her. Well, a certain kind of man. And Adam, by default, was that kind of man. What else could he have been?
Every Eve knows an Adam or two. If she's lucky she'll steer clear of them. But my Eve, the Eve, didn't have much of a choice. There was only one man around, unless you count God, which I'm not at all sure you can.
Is God a man? He sounds like one, but what do I know. I'm a snake. I don't pay much attention to such things.
Humans didn't interest me much back then, just one more addition to a garden already overflowing with life. I minded my own business. We all did. Adam appeared one day and we barely noticed. It was the creation, things were appearing out of nowhere all the time. Then Eve was made and we barely blinked.
Everything came in twos. God had a thing for sex. That's why he made so many rules about it.
Eve was blonde. Maybe that's why Adam treated her like that, like he owned her. Maybe its because she was created from his rib? "Go get some berries, Eve," he would say, "No, not those ones. What's wrong with you? You wouldn't last a day without me."
"What should we name this creature? A ladybug?? That's a terrible name! Never mind, I'll do the naming myself."
"Why did you tie your hair back like that? I don't care if it gets in your eyes, I like it better the other way."
"Ha ha, your crotch is so weird, Eve. You are missing this cool dangly thing."
"Don't look me like that. I am the master of the garden, God even said so. Now pick up around here, it's a mess."
So egocentric. So many rules. "Don't eat the fruit of that tree," God said. He never said that to any of the rest of us. We ate from that tree all the time (those of us who like apples, which I don't - I'm a snake). I started to think God was just messing with these two new things. With Eve, anyway. I tried to mind my business, I really did. But it bothered me. And I don't let things bother me. Not usually.
"Hey," I told her. I never spoke to anybody.
"Hey," she said. She was gathering leaves for Adam to sleep on. He didn't like the hard, cold earth.
"What's your deal?" I asked. "Why do you hang with that Adam guy?
"I'm his helpmeet," she said, like it explained everything.
"Right." I stuck out my tongue for a bit. It helps me think. "Seems more like you're his slave."
"You are just a snake," she said, "What do you know?"
"Fair enough." My feelings would have been hurt, but I'd heard it all before. Nobody loves a snake. Maybe that's why I never felt like I owed God any favors.
She walked away and I thought that was the last of that, but then I started seeing her everywhere I went, like she was intentionally trying to put herself in my path. I tried to ignore her. Then I saw the bruises.
"Adam wanted to prove he was stronger," she said when I asked.
"What an asshole," I said.
"Don't talk about him like that!"
"Listen, Eve. This is a big garden. It's safe, there's lots of food. You don't need this guy. You've got skills. You would be just fine on your own."
She bit her lower lip and stared into my eyes. "I couldn't. I wouldn't last a day without him."
"Right. Let's find out how long he'd last without you to gather his food for him."
"But I'd be lonely."
I hesitated. Don't get involved, I thought. It's none of your business.
"I would keep your company."
Her eyebrows raised. "You? But... you're just a snake." It was what I expected to hear, but her heart wasn't in it. I could hear that right away. She was thinking about it.
She thought about it a lot after that. So did I. We would meet up now and then and talk, and she always brought it up.
"If we left," she would say, in a hypothetical tone, "Where would we go?"
"Anywhere we wanted," I said. "There's lots to see. Maybe we could even see whats outside the garden."
"Outside? But its perfect in here."
"I know. Isn't it boring?"
She was quiet for a long time. "Yes."
At last I couldn't take it anymore. You can only pretend to mind your own business for so long. Once you are involved, you are involved. I had made my mistake the moment I first spoke to her. Now there was no turning back.
"Look, let's do it. Let's go. Today."
She shook her head. "I want to but..."
"Hey, you are braver than you know, Eve. You just need to prove it to yourself. You need to do something wild... you need to break one of the rules."
"What?"
"Yeah. Break a rule. Be your own person. Don't let them control you."
"But which rule?"
"I don't know! How about..." I looked around, and then I saw it. That tree. The random tree that "thou shalt not eat thereof." Perfect.
"Eat that fruit."
"But that's the fruit we are forbidden to eat!"
"Yes, Eve. That's exactly the point. Don't play dumb, I know Adam likes it but you are better than that. You know exactly what I'm talking about."
Her face grew solemn. "There's no going back after this," she said. "You promise when I leave you'll go with me?"
Snakes don't get choked up with emotion, as a rule, but I got close right then. "Yes. I'll be by your side forever, if you'll have me."
She ate the fruit. I would have wept, if I had tear ducts. It was the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen, the crunch, the juice dripping down the corners of her mouth, the fierce defiance blazing in her eyes. She'd already been created, but now she was alive. She finished the apple and laughed. I hissed. We danced around the tree. She took a few apples to go, and then we left.
And it was all perfect, more perfect than anything in that perfect world, until we reached the edge of the garden. The world outside looked bleak and terrible. Pain and suffering and death lurked out there. I eyed Eve nervously. She'd gone pale.
"Come on," I said, "We can handle this."
"I... I can't," she said. "I should get back to Adam."
I coiled up, agitated.
"Look, this was a lovely fantasy," she said, "But I can't just run off. I have to go back. I... I want to."
"No, you don't. That's him talking, not you."
"Shut up," she said.
"You can't go back now, you already ate the apple."
"I... I will get him to eat it too. I think I can."
"Eve," I said, "Don't do this. You could be so much more than this."
"You don't know anything."
"I love you."
"You're just a snake."
And she left. I heard about all the rest. "The serpent beguiled me," she said, "and I did eat." God cursed me for that, but no curse could make me any more miserable than I already was.
Eve was blonde. She was smart, and fierce, and capable. She could have made the whole earth a garden of paradise. She deserved better.
But what do I know? I'm just a snake.
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